I hope so

"In times..when I feel so lonely..
you were there.. to hold my hands"

It's the lyrics of one of my favorites song.
Tell us about friendship and how friends can be tower of strength when you were in desperation state.

How ironic.. I feels alone now..
But don't be mistaken.. Many friends came to me try to give me an input, advise, opinion, and offering some helps.

However, nothings of that can help me now..

I feels confuse and sad.
I even want to go somewhere where I can get free from all of this burdening problems.
Anywhere!
I will pay for that..

Sometimes I cried in midnight.. try to talk to the Almighty.
asking for a help, clue, or any hints that can lead me in this Grey area.
asking for something that I can use to overcome all of the stressful things.

My head is banging now.. my heart is keep beating hard. .
I am happy that I have my friends care for me.
I am happy that I have my friends cheering me up and offering some helps.
I am happy.. yet.. I don't think it will help me..

It's December now..
back 2-3 years ago, this is the month that I have waited for so long..
I can celebrate it.. do many things to arrange the event for church..
gathered with my friends, pray together, sing together, and spend a time together..
I am as happy as I could be and I didn't have any thing burdening me.

Now, I am entering the "special month" with a thousand of problem in my head..
I can hardly smile now..

Now,, all I have to do is to keep my faith .. keep my strength.. hoping that God did something special for me.. Hoping that God is arranging something "big" for me..

I hope so..

Lucky..

Lucky,
There is a tears in this world.
Tears that will help you to refresh your heart and mind.
Tears that will help you when you need God beside you.
Tears is the symbols of hope in desperation.
You were crying because you need someone.

Lucky,
There will be always Someone that sitting next to you when you cried.
Someone that always be named in your pray.
A pray in the night.. and with tears you were calling His name.
You were begging and begging
waiting for Him to really came down from heaven.
Hold your hands, and hug you.

Lucky,
From the first time you were born, you need only a pray to be connected to Him.
Connected when you need someone.
Connected when the world around you is really out of your control.
Connected when everyone around you has closed the line with you.

It is really Lucky,
to have Jesus in your life.

It is lucky,
to have a desperation
a stressful situation
and a never ending confusion.

Lucky because you will reach Him at last.
Lucky because finally, you will really be connected with Him.



Lucky..

That zone.

starts with spinning to roving, little bit about cotton.
I get through with all textile-things.
Makes me mad and wanna scream .

Hope that the scream can reach the sky
Telling the Mighty God, that I have enough.

In desperate telling everyone that this is not right.
Then, it reach me.
The answer.

I am screaming again. The scream of happiness.
I rebuild my spirits, motivation, and mood.
Think that this is the right plane. The right track.
Everything seems good when I stepped in to that zone.

however,
For some reason..
I just can not stand it anymore

To be honest
I dont have what so called Pressure-Resistance.

I feel like I dont belong being downliner.
I just...
have my own dream
my own Idea and purpose.

The faith zone
My faith zone.

But somehow, when I reached to step and entering the zone
I feels like evryone turned against my decision.

Somehow... The worst condition of in this world is The condition without a decision.

I was bounded in the misery of pain.
A pain that covered perfectly in the knitted yarn of income.

Hope that someday

one day

I can step in brave to enter my faith zone.

Tears in 16 degrees..

A joke.
I Need that.

A smile.
I also need that.

A cheer.
I desperate for that.

A friend to share..
I would give anything for that.


Now I am sitting in the front of magic-monitor.
Rainy, outside, playing the drum of storm.
Harmonize with the raindrops.

It is 16 degrees and I am dizzy with the Influenza airborne attack.

Tears started to fell from eyes to neck.
The world seems bigger.
Standing in the front.
a step ahead , bring you the trap, misery, hatred, and harbinger.

I just couldn't understand.
The quadratic equation,
and the substitution of triple variables seems more simple.

The pressure is hard.
My brain squeezed and I am turning in the circle of dizziness.

No...Nooo! that is not the problem.
I can take complicated things.

I can stand against all of the world.

I can run till the last breath.

I can do anything as far as I live.



What I can not resist is....

No one....
in the meantime...
says ,"I'm on your side."

I am alone in the most destructive situation.
The situation when you can not decide anything.
and the situation when none of your friend understand. .

who's on my side?

retreat..?

It was not the best day in my life.
The pressure, and the chronicles of bad situation keep happening to me.

Not to mention the hectic-ness and the severe acute-kind of problems in works.
It was rainy after all.
Stand up, find the harmony, but you are facing down the great wall of China.

Be strong, be courageous , but you are facing the whole world stood up against you.
Get out and all of the universe pointing at you as a coward.
You are in the position of no one can help you.

your hands are shaking cold.
your head banging with the melody of big-bang.

And you realized... maybe this is the limit.
should I quit?
should I leave this situation?
Should I be a coward?

Nothings wrong being a coward.
Coward is an art.
an escapee.
But the escapee never becoming strong.

I just hope that
someday
an angel can come to me.

an angel doesn't always to have a wing.
doesn;t has to be in magnificent form.

what makes an angel is,
when she can help you when you were down.

help me, so that I won;t be an escapee.

One word- Responded

most of my friends preferred to reply the previous post by text messages.

This is the result :

Name ->Their Description about me

Eva -> Fun
Elisse -> meticulous!
Debbie ->Funny
Hanshin ->Insensitive
Ibeth-> Brilliant
Eche->Multitalented (smart)->she is the big fan of me hahaha..jk, che.
Olie-> Funny
Vicky ->Funny
Atan-> Captain
Carissa ->Old
Lenny ->Humble
Hansen-> Cheerful


So I am funny guy because you guys always making fun of me.
hahaha

Thank you guys
Your responds are greatly appreciated.



Best regards,
Kelvin

One word

anyone of you,
Please describe me in one word =)


Hope to hear from you soon.

Thank you .