My life and whatsoever

I was thinking...

Quietly, in front of my desktop.
I was thinking about the past.
when I was in primary, Kindergarten, Junior High schools, and so on..

Have you heard about the contradiction of life-thinking in human ?
When we were a little we want to grow, and when we have grown we longed to be a little.


Yes, that is exactly what I feels now.
I have grown up. with 2-3double-k IDR and many business in my hand.
I am still looking for a job, though.

But, when I look back to my past and I was thinking "is this the life I expect when I was a little?"

well I hope so.

This is the fact :

I was entering One social organization , everyone supports me to do great things in there. I have done many good things and proudly leading some events. I have formed some group and I have maintain it for 1 year or so.
But now? I have never attended the group, and instantly the group was gone now.
I failed to do the projects that under my responsibility.
And now, I know that I will never be trusted again and back to point zero.



I am just afraid that .. I havent made and will not take any steps for a long time.
I saw my friends in great path and steps. They are steady, finding themselves comfortable with their speciality. some of them have done great things while some of them still growing.

And look the place where I sit now.. at home. jobless. with failed business in my hand.


Sometimes, I just want to be back into my child age.
Sometimes, I just want to play my life like video games. with the reset button ready-to-push if you failed.


Sometimes..